This is a work of staggering fiction and any relation to real people or events is purely coincidental and just leave it, ok?
Gray Squadron has begun a series of pointlessly involved and elaborate negotiations with the SCL over the format of future leagues. The galaxy struggles to care but they plough on with their incessant demands for play-offs, ELO point systems and better tie breakers.
Lead by Jido Vondar, Gray continually posts pointless shit in the discussion and suggestion channels and has set up a blockade so no one else can get a word in edgeways.
The SCL has secretly despatched two admins, guardians of peace and justice in the SCL, to settle the conflict. They are Master Namistay and his padawan, The Deputy.
Upon arriving to begin negotiations Gray Squadron attempts to assassinate the admins who bravely run away into a series of nearby air vents, steal a ship and then a small child from the surface of a nearby planet. That child's name? BrandonS101. BrandonS101 proves to be extremely adept at tekkers and even is building his own rig.
The admins are pursued across the galaxy and collect a motley bunch of allies including Jar Jar J4v3n (an idiotic creature) and Senator Squash who has an unhealthy interest in little BrandonS101 despite him being less than half her age. They receive political support from none other than Senator FriendlyCanadian in their quest to discover who is actually behind Gray Squadron's identikit nonsense.
Whilst relaxing on a desert planet after clearly having been behind the speeder sheds with BrandonS101's mum, and apparently out of his mind on weed, Master Namistay leans back against a wall and relays this cautionary tale to the young BrandonS101:
Darth Fenwyn the wise was a powerful and feared Sith Lord who had lived for many centuries. She was known for her wisdom and her cunning, as well as her bitterness and her cruel nature.
As she grew older and more bitter, Darth Fenwyn began to manipulate the midichlorians in her blood to ram each other. This allowed her to extend her own life and continue to wreak havoc throughout the galaxy.
Eventually, Darth Fenwyn became so old and bitter that she was banned from every brothel on Coruscant, and even from the outer rim. Despite her advanced age, she was still feared and respected by all who knew of her.
Despite her longevity, Darth Fenwyn knew that her time was coming to an end. She began to use her knowledge to pass into a different state, becoming a series of alts that would allow her to continue her existence. Eventually, she was more alt than person, and she disappeared, her ultimate fate unknown.
But her legacy lived on, as she was remembered by those who knew of her as a powerful and feared Sith Lord, a master of manipulation and deceit. Her name was whispered in hushed tones, and even centuries after her disappearance, she remained a legend in the galaxy.
It is not apparent what bearing this has on the overall narrative.
Political intrigue abounds as Senator Squash rails against Gray Squadron and demands that Chancellor GreenFoxLeader be deposed and replaced by Senator FriendlyCanadian. This leads the Grays to attack her home vegetable patch and they start being really mean. As there's so many of them it's difficult to get rid of them until suddenly, Jar Jar J4v3n, having been promoted to General, arrives with an army of sinister looking Australians that were under the water holding their breath the entire time and they frighten away the now timid Grays and they take all of their cheese with them. J4v3n is promoted immediately to Senator.
Our story rises to a dramatic crescendo as the Caravan Angels, freight haulers for hire are brought in by Gray Squadron to dispose of the admins once and for all or something. In a dramatic final dual Master Namistay is cut down by Knight's enormous monitor which has frighteningly sharp edges.
Seeking retribution for his Master's fate, young The Deputy suddenly multidrifts out of Knight's way and cuts him in half. As the two sections of Knight's body disappear down into a deep hole you can hear his voice faintly screaming, 'we did it firssssttttt youuuuu bitchhhhesssssssssss'.
After burning his Master's body the second hand smoke makes The Deputy super high and he has a vision where his Master Namistay tells him that he must train the young boy no matter what the council may say. He takes BrandonS101 under his wing and resolves to teach him everything he knows which is not much so it's going to be pretty quick. The Hutt Cartel are summarily banned to the outer rim for being transphobes after they get really wasted one night.
10 years pass after the events of the Phantom Discord. The galaxy is still troubled and Gray Squadron is resurgent. The mysterious Count Ecktsoo has taken control and become a thorn in the side of the SCL. He is widely regarded as shit at game but his following is unmatched.
Two members of the Hutt Cartel have been called before the SCL Council to discuss some unorthodox behaviour.
The SCL council is in session with Master's Scalpwakka, Fencar, Rebelpilot and the revered but ancient master Lions (two time creator and winner of the SCL council). Before them is the young BrandonS101 who pleads with the masters to allow him to use seeker mines. The Sheriff, though not a member of the council, stands nearby and strokes his dishwasher attentively which tootles and wobbles at him.
Ultimately BrandonS101 is disappointed by their decision and voices his discontent to his master; who sides with the council and cautions his protégé to quiet his emotions, "You will never be a great troll if you have empathy for the feelings of others". Though the Hutts are not directly interested in the SCL they still enjoy trolling it whilst they prepare themselves in their quest for the galaxy's greatest treasure: The Calrissian Cup.
BrandonS101 complains to his political representative/secret wife Squash and mostly whines throughout the next act - so much so that The Sheriff makes an excuse to go and visit a, "secret planet I found in the library". Everyone else goes home to continue complaining, leaving Senior Senator and Minister for Home Affairs J4v3n in charge.
Inexplicably the secret planet The Sheriff visits is hiding an unstoppable clone army of Randolorians that the SCL has apparently bought and paid for. The Randolorians are being cloned from the world's greatest clown, Mine Fett. The Sheriff and Mine Fett have a really stonkers fight in the rain which The Sheriff only survives because he's so used to a hot wash cycle.
Whilst The Sheriff is on holiday, BrandonS101 is still complaining so is sent home to his mother who has had enough and been kidnapped by Dog Fighters. He pursues them but discovers they have killed his mother and that they are primitive half-beings only capable of making limited ooks and grunts so he flies into a savage rage and murders them all. BrandonS101 returns to Coruscant looking real grumpy.
From here the plot gets even more involved and frankly needlessly complicated. All you really need to know is that Rebelpilot kills the shit out of Mine Fett whilst his clone child, BigBrainThe2nd sees the whole thing. J4v3n gives Senator FriendlyCanadian powers to become Supreme Chancellor of the SCL and Master Lions (two time creator and winner of the SCL council) turns up with the Randolorians for a free win when it looks like the SCL will be defeated by the Grays sheer weight of numbers.
Then there's more fighting including a nice little number where Lions jumps all around Eckstoo but doesn't really touch him at all for some reason and Eckstoo runs away like Skeletor to meet up with his Master - Darth Avenger.
The SCL ponders the real identity of Darth Avenger and a warning they received from Eckstoo that he is the one really in control of the senate. Meanwhile, Senator FriendlyCanadian uses his new powers to start a massive war with his new Randolorian army against the Grays.
The SCL is crumbling under the weight of Gray Squadron teams being violently entered into it and the flood of new players being generated by Count Ekstoo.
In a stunning move, General Pseudo_nine has kidnapped Senator FriendlyCanadian, leader of the Senate. Two brave Hutts (Hang on wasn't this plot point already done? It's like poetry, it rhymes.) are on a secret mission...
BrandonS101 and The Sheriff make their way to the bridge of Eckstoo's flagship and engage in a violent duel with the Count. At Senator FriendlyCanadian's urging (totally out of character) BrandonS101 takes a broken plate out of The Sheriff's dishwasher and behead the Count right there in front of everyone like a total nutjob. The Senator then forces the SCL Council to appoint BrandonS101 as a full pilot despite his clear criminality and lack of jurisdiction.
The Sheriff kills General Pseudo_nine over and over and over and over and over and is really a bit of a dick about it.
Back on Coruscant BrandonS101 uncovers the truth, Darth Avenger has been Senator FriendlyCanadian the entire time! BrandonS101 tells Master Rebelpilot who confronts Avenger but he's ultimately defenestrated and is probably definitely dead and probably definitely not alive or a spooky ghost. BrandonS101 pledges himself to Avenger and then goes on a strangling spree and in his grief and rage, BrandonS101 murders all the seals he can find. He even goes to the 5mans temple and slaughters the seal pups as they try, helplessly, to defend themselves with unstable engines and awings.
Eventually The Sheriff tracks him down and, using a Palpatine Build, repeatedly disables him and then cuts off his hands and feet so he'll never be able to use a joystick or foot macros again.
Master Lions bravely runs away as Avenger retrieves BrandonS101's mutilated body and rebuilds him into Darth Keyboards - constructing the macros directly into his nervous system.
The Sheriff hides two seals from BrandonS101 and calls them Jake and Loumen.
Suggestion: Close the SCL and set up a small sweet shop in Middle Wallop. Use the proceeds from the sweet shop to fund night time excursions to paint messages of encouragement to Avenger One on the helicopters at the nearby base.
When Avenger hears about the heli-grafitti in his honour he will undoubtedly be convinced that he must enter the UK to find his true fan.
At the same time use excess sweets to lure Dynasty towards the vicinity of Middle Wallop and eventually into an artillery piece on Salisbury plain. Once in situ advise Dynasty of the location of the First Avenger.
When the resulting explosion of Avengers's ego takes place the sweet shop will be obliterated revealing the core of the reactor you've housed below it now being powered by an infinite supply of bruised pride.
You will take advantage of the UK's energy price crisis to make a killing on the markets and buy out EA, release the source code to Squadrons and restore the cal cup to it's full glory and might in a ten thousand year empire. The SCL will remain closed.
Despite the explosion, Avenger somehow managed to survive. He was badly injured, but he was determined to find Dynasty and exact his revenge. He spent months recovering from his injuries, and once he was back to full strength, he set out on his quest.
Avenger knew that Dynasty was being hidden by the Hutt Cartel in China, and he knew that he would have to be careful if he wanted to succeed. He traveled to China and began to search for him.
After several weeks of searching, Avenger finally found Dynasty; hiding in a remote mountain village, surrounded by members of the Hutt Cartel. Avenger knew that this was his chance to get his revenge, and he charged forward, ready to take him down.
Dynasty and Avenger engaged in a brutal and protracted fight. They fought with all the strength and skill that they had, each determined to come out on top.
At first, the fight was evenly matched, with neither one gaining the upper hand. They traded blows, each landing powerful hits on the other. But as the fight continued, Avenger began to gain the upper hand. He was stronger and more experienced, and he slowly started to wear Dynasty down.
Dynasty fought valiantly, but he was no match for Avenger. Avenger gradually increased the pressure, beating Dynasty into a bloody pulp. Dynasty's face was a mess of bruises and cuts, and he was struggling to keep up with Avenger's relentless assault.
Finally, after what felt like hours, Avenger had had enough. He grabbed Dynasty by the neck and lifted him up off the ground. With a single, swift motion, he snapped Dynasty's neck, killing him instantly.
Dynasty's body dropped to the ground, limp and lifeless. Avenger stood over him, victorious.
As he looked down at his lifeless body, Avenger noticed something glinting in the sunlight. It was the Calrissian Cup, the ancient and powerful artifact that had been the cause of their rivalry. Avenger reached down and picked it up, feeling its power coursing through his veins.
With the Calrissian Cup in his possession, Avenger's ego was reinflated to its former enormous size. He declared himself the rightful owner of the Cup, and vowed to protect it at all costs.
Avenger took the Calrissian Cup back to his lair, where he kept it guarded by an enormous feline, almost the size of Avenger's forehead. The Hutt Cartel watched from the shadows, knowing that they could not challenge Avenger while he was in possession of the Cup.
And so, Avenger ruled supreme, with the Calrissian Cup by his side, and the Hutt Cartel lurking in the shadows, waiting for their opportunity to strike.
The Hutt Cartel, led by the rebellious Sheriff, launched a full-scale assault on Avenger's lair. They knew that they had to take him down if they wanted to have any chance of defeating him and reclaiming the Calrissian Cup.
As the battle raged on, the Sheriff discovered that Avenger's right hand man, Darth Keyboards, had been secretly keeping Dynasty in Carbonite. He was shocked, but he knew that he had to free Dynasty if they were going to have any chance of defeating Avenger.
Fortunately, DaGreenThing, a powerful Jedi/Excel user and ally of the Hutt Cartel, managed to free Dynasty from the Carbonite by tricking the computer systems with a shitty screenshot. Together, they joined forces and continued the fight against Darth Keyboards and Avenger's pet; brutally dismembering his feline companion, just like in the OT at the bar that one time when that guy slightly annoys Obiwan.
But just as the tide of battle was starting to turn in his favour, the Sheriff made a shocking discovery. As he fought against Darth Keyboards, he realized that this was his one time protege - unrecognisable as his former self and consumed with hatred for seals. He was stunned, and for a moment, he hesitated.
That hesitation proved to be his undoing, as Darth Keyboards took advantage of the opportunity and threw the Sheriff into the Zavian Abyss. The Sheriff fell, plummeting towards the dark depths below.
Dynasty and DaGreenThing saw what had happened, and they quickly flew their Awing/Uwing towards the Sheriff, hoping to catch him before he hit the bottom. They managed to grab hold of him, but there was not enough space for all three of them in the Awing/Uwing. In a moment of selfless bravery, Dynasty decided to sacrifice DaGreenThing instead. He threw DaGreenThing out of the Awing/Uwing, allowing the Sheriff and himself to escape. DaGreenThing fell to his death, but at least the Sheriff and Dynasty had survived.
The remaining Hutt Cartel rebels continued their assault on Avenger's lair, determined to put an end to his reign of terror. But as they neared the entrance, they were shocked to discover that Avenger had been hiding a fully functional SCL the entire time and that the Calrissian Cup was nowhere to be found. Avenger's power appeared unmatched despite this and with Darth Keyboards at his side the battle seemed lost.
The Sheriff was taken aback, but he knew that they had to continue with the assault. He led the charge and pleaded with Keyboards to renounce his ways and join him. It seemed hopeless until suddenly Darth Keyboards turned and sliced open the front of Avenger's forehead, revealing the Calrissian Cup inside and ending Avenger's reign of terror once and for all. In the nick of time, the rebels escaped from the lair, victorious.
The Calrissian Cup was finally safe, and the Hutt Cartel could finally rest easy knowing that Avenger was no longer a threat. The rebels celebrated their victory, but they could not forget the sacrifices that had been made along the way, the seals that had been harmed and the corruption of poor BrandonS101. They vowed to honor the memory of their fallen comrades, and to never let another tyrant like Avenger rise to power again.
The SCL disappeared into the ether and was never seen again...